It is only natural to want control over our lives. We believe that the more we can control, the less likely something bad will happen to us. Research suggests that those individuals who believe they have more control over their lives have better immune responses and decreased anxiety and depression symptoms. Feeling like we can make positive changes in our lives gives us a sense of purpose and helps us feel empowered to lead happier and healthy lives. This positive outlook allows you to more easily adapt to major life changes.
Sometimes, wanting to control your environment can have harmful effects as well. For those struggling with anxiety, the uncertainty of the world, and feeling like you can’t control your future can be debilitating. Having anxiety about the future can leave us feeling like there is not enough we can do to help our futures. Often when people find themselves struggling with depression, they feel hopeless and as though there is nothing they can do to better their life circumstances. This can lead to people feeling stuck and at a loss for how they can move forward. Below are some strategies for you if you want your life to look different, but feel like you have no control and are lost on how to start.
Change your mindset
A study on acute and chronic pain shows that it is not whether a person actually has control over their situation, but rather that they perceive they have control. You might become frustrated and feel defeated if you have tried to gain control over your pain and suffering, but have been unsuccessful in helping yourself. It is important to recognize that you may not be able to control your pain, but instead can control your reaction to the pain. Instead of focusing on the areas in your life that are working against you, choose to focus on the areas that you have power over.
Understand what is in your control
Try to take control over the areas in your life that you can change, but let go of and accept what you cannot. You are in control of your emotions, mindset, actions, and effort, but are not always able to influence your surroundings. Your happiness cannot be dependent on another person as you are unable to control or change other people’s words or behaviors. It is tempting to think that if our partners, parents, families, or coworkers change, that our lives will be that much easier. Unfortunately, we can only offer advice and support to the people in our lives, but cannot expect them to change unless they themselves see the need to change. We must accept others for who they are and focus on our own personal development.
Leave the past in the past
Research suggests that those individuals who believe they have control over past events, actually experience more distress, whereas focusing on the present and future can result in less distress. Instead of worrying about what you may have done or said in the past, focus on what you can do to better your current situation. If you have harmed someone in the past, this does not mean that you relinquish responsibility for your actions but instead choose to focus on things you can do to help in the present. We cannot change the past, but we can choose how we move forward.
Reflect on your thoughts
Next time you find yourself ruminating about something, ask yourself “Is my worry helping or hurting me right now?” Recognize whether you are problem-solving or creating unjust pain for yourself.
Make a Plan
If there are areas of your life you want to change, make realistic and achievable goals for yourself. Start small and build off your successes. It seems like when we try to fall asleep is often the time where our minds are active with ways we may want to change our lives. Consider scheduling a time during your day for reflecting on goal setting to avoid losing sleep.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
