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Sex Therapy for Performance Anxiety in Men

February 21, 2025 by Leave a Comment

As a therapist whose practice focuses on helping people with sexual issues, I can tell you the majority of individuals who contact me for help are men. And over the years, most of these men have suffered from premature ejaculation (PE). While there can be different things that cause PE, the usual culprit is performance anxiety.

When it comes to performance anxiety in men, there are a few common causes:

Pornography

Pornography is rampant in our society and it has given many people, both men and women, unrealistic expectations for their own sex lives. Many men feel if they can’t attain and sustain an erection for a long period of time, like the men in porn, they will disappoint their partner.

Stress

Performance anxiety can also come about because of stressors like financial difficulties and pressure at work.

Changes in the Relationship

More often than not, the men I counsel have suffered performance anxiety because their feelings about their partner have changed. Sometimes, men have trouble performing because they find themselves falling in love with their partner, and sometimes men have trouble performing when they find themselves falling out of love with their partner. Yes, men’s emotions effect their sex life!

We have all been led to believe that men are hardwired completely differently than women. And while there are obvious differences, the truth is, men aren’t able to get an erection whenever, with whomever, no matter the situation.

How Sex Therapy Can Help

The good news is, often a man’s penis acts as a barometer for his mental and emotional health. If you are suffering from performance anxiety, there’s a very good chance you are dealing with some other stress or struggle in your life.

Sex therapy provides men with a non-judgmental space in which to explore their life and relationships. A good sex therapist can take a situation that may feel awkward and turn it into a great experience where you can deal with whatever underlying issues may be going on so you can have the best sex of your life.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

RESOURCES:

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Men's Issues, Sexual Health

Therapy for Divorce

February 21, 2025 by Leave a Comment

When we say the words, “I do,” we never imagine that one day those words will turn into, “It’s over.” But the statistics point to the fact that many marriages do not make it. In fact, the CDC reports that 42% of marriages have a high probability of ending in divorce.

Why Should You Consider Therapy for Divorce?

When a marriage ends, it typically leaves one or both partners wondering, “what happened?” As a major life transition, divorce can be traumatic and mentally, physically, and emotionally draining.

Therapy offers individuals powerful coping skills that can help them navigate their overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Therapy offers a safe space to explore and share your feelings so you can make sense of them yourself. It’s a way for people to have a healthier outlook on their divorce and become empowered during a very difficult time.

Different Therapy Modalities for Divorce

Every situation is unique and will require the right type of therapy:

Individual Therapy

Individual therapy is incredibly helpful for those people experiencing depression or anxiety, or who view the divorce as a personal failure. This type of therapy can help you discover your own needs and a better understanding of who you are.

Couples Therapy

Divorce will never be easy. But with the proper guidance, the lines of communication can stay open and the separation can remain constructive and amicable. A therapist can help you both navigate those hard decisions such as financial obligations and co-parenting.

Family Therapy

Children are, of course, deeply affected by a divorce, and often the parents are too consumed in their own emotions to offer proper guidance. Family therapy can help the entire family deal with the feelings of loss and grief.

Mediation

Settling a divorce in court can be costly and exhausting. Many couples choose to mediate their own divorce through the help of a trained therapist. Mediation not only costs less and typically takes far less time than divorce litigation, but it may also help improve your lines of communication as you both move forward.

If you are going through a divorce and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Separation/Divorce

What is Neurodiversity?

February 20, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Neurodiversity is a concept given life back in the 1990s by an Australian sociologist named Judy Singer. The term is used to represent the different ways people think, behave, communicate, and more. 

Neurodiversity is often associated with challenges an individual may face. For instance, people with neurodiverse traits may be diagnosed with conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHA) dyslexia, or autism. But the concept turns the traditional diagnoses on their heads. Instead of thinking something is “wrong” with the person, the new science is suggesting that within the human genome, there is a diversity we’ve yet to fully grasp. Conditions aren’t necessarily faults in the brain but rather a unique expression. 

Neurodiversity and Mental Health

Extensive data points to the fact that there are greater rates of depression and anxiety co-occurring in individuals with diagnoses of autism, ADHD, and dyspraxia. Autism alone has been linked to higher rates of anxiety, eating disorders, mood disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and more. Much of this may stem from the fact that individuals with autism have typically been found to have low levels of dopamine, a “feel good” neurotransmitter greatly responsible for elevated moods.

But what about those individuals whose levels of dopamine are in the normal range? And for that matter, what about depression and anxiety in people who have not been diagnosed with any other cognitive condition?

For years, psychologists, psychiatrists, and neurologists have tried to understand the profound links between body, brain, and life experiences. And what we have learned is that narrow diagnostic categorization doesn’t allow us to recognize all of the diverse ways cognitive conditions express themselves in the human race. 

Neurodiversity helps solve this. It embraces the complexity of the interconnectedness of the brain, body and life to help us get better patient outcomes. As clinicians, we need to move away from crude labeling and diagnoses and begin to focus on personalized interventions and treatment plans to better serve our clients.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Benefits of Mental Health Professionals Stepping in Instead of Police

February 18, 2025 by Leave a Comment

There is an epidemic in this country of mental health crises. At the same time, we also have a lack of crisis services, which has led to police officers acting as first responders to many mental health crises across the nation.

The response to this epidemic from many communities has been to develop a Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) program to improve results in these situations. CIT programs have already been created in over 27,000 communities nationwide. The goal of CIT is to create better channels of communication between law enforcement and other stakeholders in the mental health profession along with those suffering from mental health issues. In addition to improving collaboration, CIT programs also provide intensive training, refer those in crisis to the right treatment options, and also make sure everyone in the community is safe.

Additional Benefits of These Crisis Intervention Programs

CIT programs can also:

  • Keep those with mental health issues out of prison and get them into treatment.
  • Provide law enforcement officers the resources to do their job safely.
  • Allow police officers to focus on reducing crime.
  • Save the community money. Research has found incarceration is far more costly than a treatment program. 

How You Can Help

If you are a mental health professional, police officer, or a family member of someone living with a mental health issue, you can help change how your local community responds to these crises. You can search the National Alliance on Mental Illness website to find your local affiliate. Every person and every voice helps spread this important message far and wide. So please consider advocating today.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: mental health

Dating Tips for Neurodivergent Individuals

February 17, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Many neurodivergent clients I work with have shared with me that the idea of dating to them is terrifying. They feel nervous about holding their own in a conversation with someone they’ve just met as most find small talk absolutely distasteful. They don’t know how to pick up romantic cues from the other person, and, well, sexual relations pose entirely different challenges!

Dating is hard for everyone, but neurodivergent people have their own specific challenges. And much of these stem from a childhood where they were bullied for being different. Neurodivergent people know the pain of rejection and often don’t want to put themselves “out there” for fear of being rejected all over again.

Here are some tips to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin as well as in different social situations that come with dating.

Identify Your Sensory Triggers

Only you can really know yourself and understand what exhausts and overwhelms you. What level of stimulation can you handle and enjoy? What may cause a meltdown?

The more you know about your triggers the more you can steer your dating experiences so they can be as successful as possible. For example, if noise exhausts and overwhelms you, then you may say something to a prospective date like, “I can’t really do concerts, but how about we take a picnic to the park during the afternoon?”

If you don’t know yourself, how can you share the important aspects of you with someone else?

Take the Time to Process Your Feelings

Most neurodivergent people are extremely sensitive, not only to environmental stimuli but also to emotions. Neurodivergents experience feelings and emotions in their own unique way. And it can often be incredibly hard to put feelings into words. For this reason, it’s important that you give yourself the space and time to process your emotions. Just be sure to tell the person you are dating that your silence only means you are trying to communicate more clearly.

Get Dating Advice

There is no shame in having a dating coach in your corner who understands you and your unique challenges. I am a therapist who specializes in helping neurodivergent people live and love to the fullest. I offer my clients a safe space to process their feelings and help them navigate those areas in life that can be a bit tricky.

If you’d like to get more information on what it would be like to work with me, I invite you to give my office a call or drop me an email, whatever you’re more comfortable with.

SOURCES:

Dating for Neurodiverse Adults: How to Approach Dating on the Autism Spectrum

Dating for Neurodiverse Adults: How to Show Your Partner You Care About Them

https://intimata.co.uk/neurodivergent-dating/

Filed Under: autism, dating, neurodivergent

Symptoms of OCD

February 16, 2025 by Leave a Comment

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) affects 2-3% of the population. The disorder is characterized by a pattern of unwanted thoughts or fears (obsessions) that cause an individual to perform a set of repetitive behaviors (compulsions). OCD interferes with a person’s daily activities and can lead to significant distress.

Symptoms of OCD

People that have been diagnosed with OCD typically experience both obsessions and compulsions. However, there are some individuals who only experience symptoms of obsessions or only symptoms of compulsion.

Symptoms of Obsession

Obsessions are persistent and repeated unwanted thoughts, urges or images that cause you to feel stress or anxiety. Though you may try to ignore these mental intrusions, most with OCD relieve the stress and tension by performing a compulsive behavior or ritual.

The following are some of the most common symptoms of obsessions:

  • Fear of being somehow contaminated by an object they just touched. Usually the fear is of germs.
  • A strong feeling of doubt or uncertainty. You’re already a half hour into your morning commute to work but are overcome by the idea that you left the front door unlocked.
  • And intense need to have objects orderly or arranged in a specific way.
  • Intense thoughts or imaginings of losing control and harming yourself or others.
  • Unpleasant sexual images.
  • Thoughts of acting inappropriately, such as shouting obscenities in public.

Symptoms of Compulsion

OCD compulsions are repetitive behaviors that an individual feels driven to perform in an effort to relieve the stress triggered by their obsession or stop something bad from happening.

Some of the most common symptoms of compulsion are:

  • Washing and cleaning. A person can wash their hands so much they develop sores and blisters.
  • Checking and rechecking. This may be checking and rechecking to make sure you set your alarm, locked the door, or turned off the stove.
  • Counting
  • Orderliness to an extreme. You may arrange and rearrange items in your medicine cabinet or on your bedside table over and over again until they are just right.

Is it Time to Get Help?

Some people make the mistake of confusing perfectionism – a driving urge to have flawless results or a perfect performance – with OCD. But they are not the same thing. OCD symptoms take a real toll on an individual and interfere with their quality of life.

If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with OCD or you think you or they may have OCD based on these symptoms, please feel free to call my office. I would be happy to speak to you about your specific concerns and the treatment options available to you.

SOURCES:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20354432

https://www.disorders.org/anxiety/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/10-most-common-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-symptoms/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd

Filed Under: ocd

Why Some Therapists Don’t Accept Insurance

February 15, 2025 by Leave a Comment

It’s not easy finding a therapist. You’ve got to search for someone who is licensed, has experience treating your particular issue, and someone who you feel comfortable opening up to. Many know the frustration of finding someone who ticks all of these boxes, only to realize that they don’t take insurance. The truth is, roughly one third of therapists in this country do not accept insurance.

So what gives?

Why Many Therapists Don’t Accept Insurance

There are actually quite a few reasons why some therapists choose not accept insurance from patients:

Low Reimbursement Rates

The average cost of a therapy session around the country is typically between $100 to $200. With insurance, you may have a copay of $20 – $50. You may assume your therapist will bill the insurance company and be reimbursed for the rest of the money. But often insurance companies will reimburse for half the amount or less. It can be quite difficult for a therapist to make an actual living wage with such low reimbursement rates.

Hassles

Another deterrent for therapists is the hassle of interacting with insurance companies. As you can imagine, there are far more pleasant things to do with one’s time. Insurance companies often require therapists to continually provide documentation to justify treatment of their patients. And, because mental health outcomes can be far more difficult to measure than physical ones, it can be harder to prove to insurance companies that care is essential.

Supply and Demand

Far more people are seeking mental health therapy. We have actually seen a dramatic increase in new patients since the Covid pandemic. And what happens is, with so many patients willing to pay out of pocket, there is simply less of a need for therapists to deal with the hassles and headaches of insurance.

Finding Affordable Mental Health Care

If you are on a budget, all is not lost. There are ways to work with a great therapist and not break the bank.

You can find a therapist who offers sliding scale payments. This simply means different people with different incomes are charged different amounts based on what they can realistically afford.

Another option is to look for a therapist who provides online sessions. With no office rent or staff to hire, these therapists are often able to charge clients far less because they have far lower overheads to run their business.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please give me a call. I offer online sessions and can often work with people of all different budgets.

SOURCES:

Therapists Who Don’t Accept Insurance

https://www.heartmatterstherapy.com/post/5-reasons-why-some-therapists-do-not-accept-insurance

https://mendmoderntherapy.com/3-reasons-why-many-therapists-dont-take-insurance/

Filed Under: insurance, mental health

3 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

February 14, 2025 by Leave a Comment

The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down.

Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how:

Be Fully Present

Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And this requires giving each other your full attention. Keep distractions like cell phones out of the conversation. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.

Use “I” Statements

One of the biggest things that make a person tune out during a conversation is when they are told they are doing something wrong. YOU do this or YOU do that is not the best way to get your feelings across.

Try using more “I” statements. These statements focus on your feelings without casting blame on the other person.

So as an example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” You can instead say, “I worry when you haven’t shown up and I haven’t heard from you.”

See the difference?

Avoid Negative Communication Patterns

Poor communication is typically the result of negative communication patterns. These include things like passive aggressiveness, ignoring the other person when they are speaking, and yelling.

While you may not be able to change your own negative communication patterns overnight, you can commit to becoming more aware of them and when they happen, stop the pattern and change it.

These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you reconnect with your partner.

SOURCES:

https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/

https://www.verywellmind.com/communication-in-relationships-why-it-matters-and-how-to-improve-5218269

https://us.calmerry.com/blog/relationships/9-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/

Filed Under: communication, couples

Am I Sad or Depressed?

February 13, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Into each life a little rain must fall is a way of saying every one of us will experience sadness in our lifetime. It is completely normal and natural. But there are some people who feel something deeper and darker than sadness, and they may feel this way despite there being no triggering event such as the loss of a loved one. 

So how can we tell the difference between sadness and depression?

Sadness versus Depression: The Real Difference?

As I just mentioned, sadness is a normal reaction to a difficult event in our life. We may feel sad because of a breakup or from losing a loved one or from leaving our friends after graduation. In other words, we feel sadness about something.

Depression, on the other hand, affects not only our emotions but also how we act and perceive the world. Depression does not require a triggering event. In fact, when we’re depressed, we tend to feel upset about any- and everything.

Depression clouds our entire lives. When we’re depressed, nothing feels as enjoyable or worthwhile as it once did. In short, we simply feel less alive.

Symptoms of Depression

To be diagnosed with depression, an individual must be diagnosed with at least five of the following common symptoms for a continual duration of at least two weeks:

  • An irritable or depressed mood 
  • A decreased interest in once enjoyable activities
  • Changes in weight or appetite
  • Changes in our sleep patterns
  • Feeling sluggish most days; having a lack of energy and motivation
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Trouble focusing or concentrating
  • Suicidal ideation

If you or a loved one are experiencing depressed, it is very important to reach out for help from a trained mental health therapist. Depression robs you of your life, purpose and happiness, but there are strategies to break free and find joy once again.

I would be happy to discuss some treatment options with you. Please give my office a call.

SOURCES:

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/depression-vs-sadness

https://screening.mhanational.org/content/am-i-depressed-or-just-sad/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/the-important-difference-between-sadness-and-depression

Filed Under: Depression, sadness

How to Tell Someone Your Boundaries

February 12, 2025 by Leave a Comment

So, you’ve decided that it’s time to set some boundaries in your life. Good for you! Boundaries are essential to maintaining relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers, as they can help build trust and respect. Once you’ve decided what your boundaries are, the next step will be communicating them to those around you. Here are some tips for how to do so:

  • Be clear. Explain exactly what you expect so that there’s no room for misinterpretation. For example, if you don’t want to work evenings, say, “I’m available between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.” rather than “I can’t work late,” since “late” can mean different things to different people.
  • Establish consequences. Explain what will happen if your boundary is crossed. For instance, if your child regularly yells, say, “If you raise your voice while we’re having a conversation, I will leave the room until you calm down.” And most importantly, follow through on those consequences.
  • Use the sandwich method. If you’re concerned about how the other person will react, try sandwiching your boundary between two positive statements. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by how frequently your sister calls, you could say, “I love our chats, but I’ve been so busy with this new job that I’m not able to talk each night. Can we schedule a time each week to catch up?”

Do You Struggle to Set Boundaries?

Setting and communicating boundaries can be difficult, but it’s a lot easier with the help of an experienced therapist. Fortunately, you can get the assistance you need from the caring team at our practice. We understand the intricacies of relationships between family members, friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances, and we’ll provide you with tailored advice on how to effectively set any necessary boundaries. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session at a date and time that’s convenient for you.

Filed Under: communication, relationships