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Here’s How Social Isolation Affects Your Health

Many of us experienced social isolation during the recent pandemic. And none of us will deny that those days and weeks were very hard. Thankfully, the pandemic is over, and life for the majority of us has returned to normal.

But for some people, social isolation didn’t go away; it is a part of their “normal” existence.

Common Causes of Social Isolation

There are a variety of circumstances that cause people to be isolated from others, or to choose to isolate themselves:

  • An abusive relationship – People in toxic relationships often choose to avoid contact with friends and family because they wish to hide their reality from others.
  • Grief – It is common to isolate oneself after losing a loved one. This is particularly true for many seniors who have lost many loved ones and friends.
  • Mental health issues – Anxiety, depression and low self-esteem can often result in a desire to isolate oneself from the rest of society.
  • Physical challenges – Those with limited mobility or other physical challenges may decide life is easier and safer at home.

The Effects of Social Isolation on Your Health

We know there is a strong mind-body connection. How we feel emotionally effects how we feel physically. Studies are now revealing how social isolation can negatively impact our health. Here are just some of the effects on your health:

  • Reduced immune function
  • Trouble sleeping (which leads to inflammation and a disruption of hormones)
  • Poor cardiovascular health
  • Poor cognitive function
  • Greater chance of stroke
  • Decreased wound healing
  • Increased risk of dementia
  • Higher risks of premature mortality

Coping With Social Isolation

If you are isolated from others for any reason, it is important to recognize you may be suffering mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. Here are some ways you can cope with the situation:

  • Practice self-care
  • Get outside
  • Reconnect with hobbies and interests
  • Get help

If you would like to speak to someone about your anxiety or depression caused by isolation as well as the reasons for the isolation, please reach out to me. I offer online therapy for those who feel more comfortable accessing help from home.

SOURCES:

https://publichealth.tulane.edu/blog/effects-of-social-isolation-on-mental-health/

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/social-isolation-mental-health

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/isolation-and-mental-health

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict in a loving and respectful way:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

  • No yelling
  • No name-calling
  • No physical aggression
  • No foul language
  • No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires validation of both partners’ feelings. When you place blame on the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Look for ways to find that balance between what the both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Depending on the root cause of the conflict, professional counseling may be warranted. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or an infidelity, may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem to be unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Mothers

A heavy diet, The Great Depression, and jumbo shrimp are all examples of oxymorons that are often used. These terms, characterized by two conflicting ideas being presented side by side, are sometimes humorous. In other instances, such as that of the narcissistic mother, this juxtaposition paints a dark picture of the potential for harm that these individuals possess.

The description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the 5thversion of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5) includes nine possible symptoms. Each of these symptoms is in direct opposition with traits that quality mothers possess.

Self-Importance

Someone with NPD exaggerates his or her achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior. A narcissistic mother may be unable to put her own child’s needs first because of this false belief about herself.

Fantasies about self

These fantasies can be related to unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. A mother who attempts to pursue domains related to these fantasies may forsake her children in this futile pursuit.

Sees self as special

This includes beliefs that someone can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high status people. A mother who exhibits this trait may refuse to associate with their children or others in their children’s lives (i.e., other parents, teachers, etc.)

Requires excessive admiration

As is often said, motherhood is a thankless job, and mothers who require admiration from their children may be sorely disappointed when this admiration never comes. The reaction to this can be as minor as resentment, but it may also lead to more serious reactions such as abuse or neglect, as these mothers eventually refuse to perform motherly duties.

Sense of entitlement

This symptom includes unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. This trait can be passed on to children, who may also believe they are entitled to similar favorable treatment.

Exploits others

A person with NPD often takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. A mother with NPD may be driven to use her child to achieve her own needs, despite the threat it may pose to the child.

Lacks empathy

Someone with NPD is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. This is concerning for mothers, as the identification of their children’s feelings is necessary to help them develop in a healthy way.

Envious

Individuals with NPD often envy others or believe that others are envious of them. This is another trait that is likely to be passed on to children, which can lead to future relational deficits.

Arrogant

Arrogance is another trait that may be modeled by narcissistic mothers. Children who observe an arrogant mother may believe this characteristic is normal and may themselves display it.

In isolation, these symptoms may not present a clear danger to the child of a narcissistic mother, but when these traits are combined the potential deleterious effects become clear. It is important for clinicians to be aware of these dangers and keep a watchful eye on mothers who display these traits, as the effects of their narcissism can have lasting impacts on their children.

If you were raised by a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or if you are concerned for your own children, therapy can help. Contact me today for an initial consultation.

How to Deal with Infidelity in a Relationship

When infidelity occurs in a relationship, it can be very devastating for the parties involved. Infidelity involves breaking a promise to be completely faithful to your partner, and when it happens, it erases the trust that existed in the relationship. Dealing with infidelity can be pretty challenging and it raises tough questions. Should you stay? Should you forgive? Can trust be rebuilt? Will things ever be the same? If you’ve just found out that your partner has been unfaithful and you’re not sure of what to do, this article is for you.

It’s important to note that infidelity can occur in any relationship. We often think it’s never going to happen in our relationship, but existing statistics show that infidelity occurs in about a third of relationships.

Why do people cheat?

People cheat for a variety of reasons, and it rarely has anything to do with the person that’s being cheated on. You might think your partner was unfaithful because of something you did or didn’t do, but that’s rarely true. Here are some reasons people cheat:

– To feel desirable
– Impulse/Lack of self-control
– Boredom
– Impaired decision making under the influence of drugs or alcohol
– Sex addiction

Remember that none of these reasons is an excuse, and the cheater made choices.

Can a relationship survive infidelity?

Yes, it’s possible for a relationship to survive infidelity, but it means that both partners have to be willing to work hard at rebuilding the trust that has been broken, healing, and making the relationship strong again.

Here are a few tips:

– Talk about the affair- It’s important for both parties to have an open and honest discussion about the affair. It also helps to talk to a relationship counselor together, and explore ways that you both can heal faster.
– Remember the good times- Cheating is painful, but it helps to reminisce about the good times and all the wonderful things your partner did for you in the past.
– Tackle old issues- Now is a great time to tackle all the underlying issues in your relationship and create a fresh start.
– Practice radical honesty– Try to be completely honest with each other about how you feel and how you want to be loved.
– Set a timetable for recovery- Both of you need to be intentional about your recovery. The cheater needs to allow the betrayed party ample time for healing, and honor the other person’s recovery process.
– Start something new- Remember how excited you both were when you just fell in love? Rekindle that magic by doing an activity you both enjoy together, and incorporating more romance into your relationship.
– Reaffirm your commitment- There needs to be an understanding that infidelity will never occur in the relationship again, and a willingness to keep that promise by both parties.

In rebuilding a relationship damaged by infidelity, patience is key. With the support of each other, family, friends and a good therapist it is possible for a couple to move past an affair and become even stronger. I offer relationship counseling services for couples who find themselves in this difficult situation, and you can contact me to book a session.

Parenting An Angry Teen

Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.

Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.

Keep Your Cool

It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Accountability, Not Control

Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.

Listen

It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.

Give Them Space

When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.

Pick Your Battles

Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.

If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.

The Three Types of Stress

Stress is a normal part of life. And a little bit of stress can actually be a good thing. For instance, when we lift weights, we are stressing our muscles, helping them to become bigger and stronger. Similarly, little bits of mental stress can help us become more skilled and resilient.

But too much of any type of stress can wreak havoc on our bodies and overall health. The following are the three main types of stress according to the American Psychological Association:

Acute Stress

Acute stress occurs suddenly and out of the blue. Your boss may throw you a big project to finish under a tight deadline. Or you just barely missed a bad car accident. For a short period of time you will experience an elevated heart rate and blood pressure and perhaps a migraine.

Episodic Acute Stress

These are like mini-crises that happen to some people on a fairly regular basis. Some people take on too much responsibility or are somehow overburdened in their life, and so they live in a constant state of tension.

Chronic Stress

Chronic stress is the result of serious life problems that wear us down over months and years. There is really no let up with this type of stress. Chronic stress has been linked to heart disease and stroke.

Chiropractic to Help Beat the Effects of Stress

Seeing a chiropractor won’t magically make you immune from stressful events in your life. But regular chiropractic care can help your body deal with the effects of stress on your body. Whether you need help with tense muscles, ease headache symptoms, or get a better night’s sleep, we can help you hold onto your health and well-being.

If you’d like a free consultation, please give us a call or stop by our office.

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support as a Male Sexual Abuse Survivor

On an almost daily basis we hear stories of female sexual harassment and abuse in the media. Sadly, male sexual abuse is fairly common, but the issue is underreported by the media and society in general.

One US-based study found that 1 in 6 boys experience some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18. Other research suggests the ratio may be as high as 1 in 4.

Why is this conduct not reported more often?

To start, most men are embarrassed to be the victim of sexual abuse, particularly when it is perpetrated by other men. In our culture, men are supposed to be invulnerable and not feel emotional pain. In other words, guys are supposed to be the strong, silent type. It simply goes against the silent rules of being a man to acknowledge trauma and admit that you are suffering.

As a result, male victims of sexual abuse shove their feelings down and deny what happened. This repression of experience and emotion can and often does lead to isolation, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), major depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are also common among victims of male sexual abuse.

It’s important to get help. 

If you are the victim of sexual abuse, understand that you are far from alone. As the topic becomes more mainstream, there is less judgement by those who don’t understand how a man could be victimized in such a way. Education regarding male sexual abuse and demystifying misconceptions surrounding rape is essential to help male survivors heal and speak out.

While more needs to be done to bring this subject to mass awareness, it’s important that individual victims seek support. A therapist will be able to help you deal with your complex emotions and offer strategies to move through and past feelings of depression and anxiety. In time, healing can and does occur.

If you or someone you know is a male victim of sexual abuse and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

5 Empowering Mantras for Women Dealing with Workplace Disenfranchisement

As spiritual exercises like meditation and yoga rise in popularity, the concept of mantras has become more familiar. A mantra is a phrase you use in meditation to help you focus and create an intent that will be a positive driving force in your life. As you repeat the mantra during meditation, either out loud or in quiet thought, you’re planting a seed in your mind that will grow as you continue to nurture it through consistent meditation practices. Mantras can be very powerful tools used to help you gain confidence and calm anxieties in all areas of your life.

For many women, the workplace continues to be a stressful, complicated arena. Women continue to face discrimination and gender bias, struggling to get ahead while maintaining a pay gap of 24 cents on the dollar compared to men. Pregnancy discrimination, sexual harassment, and many other issues plague the working woman on a daily basis. While you may be unable to change your workplace, you can change how you perceive and react to challenging circumstances.

This is where you can use mantras to ignite your personal power, and give yourself confidence and peace of mind at work. You can use the mantras in this article, tailor them to suit you personally, or create ones of your own. Use the mantras during meditation in the morning before work.

First, find a quiet place to sit with your arms resting at your side, your palms face up on your lap; make sure you don’t lie down. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to meditate. If you’re very busy or pressed for time, even five minutes is sufficient. If you’re unfamiliar with how to meditate, there are apps you can download for your smartphone or tablet to help guide you through different meditations; just search for “meditation” in the App Store. You can also search YouTube for “meditations” and try the guided meditations available there for free.

Here are examples of mantras you can use to help you feel empowered in the workplace:

• I am strong, I am intelligent, I am capable.
• I am worthy.
• Taking care of myself is my top priority.
• I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.
• I am focused on doing my best.

It’s important to recognize that our internal dialogue must always be under control. Negative thoughts about others, our situation, or ourselves can make a bad situation much worse. By using mantras to enforce positive thoughts, you can maintain a positive attitude at work in the face of adversity, and keep negative self-talk at bay.

 

Are you struggling in the workplace, and in need of support and guidance to help you advance in your career? We can help. Call our office today to set up an appointment with one of our specially trained staff.

Symptoms of Adult ADHD

A lot of discussion is given to childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But this behavioral issue greatly affects adults as well. While the exact cause of adult ADHD isn’t yet understood, recent research seems to indicate that genes and heredity, the foods we eat, and our environment play key roles.

Symptoms of Adult ADHD

Many adults who are eventually diagnosed with ADHD have always “sensed” that something was off, but they were too embarrassed or ashamed to seek help. Others still never paid attention to the many signs:

  • Difficulty focusing attention, especially when it comes to reading maps, books or magazines.
  • Home, office, and/or personal spaces are always disorganized and messy.
  • It’s challenging to complete tasks and projects.
  • A mental fog or haze.
  • Friends and family members tease about being scatterbrained.
  • Symptoms have been present since childhood.
  • Other family members also have attention issues or suffer from depression or anxiety.

Beyond assessing this list of symptoms, adults may also take the Conners Test. This test is considered the gold standard and superior to neuropsychiatric testing by many. The diagnosis of ADHD is a clinical one and does not generally require neuropsychiatric testing (unless you wish to have a child evaluated for learning disabilities).

You may find out more about the Conners test here.

Other Disorders That Mimic ADHD

It’s also important to mention that there are other disorders and conditions that exhibit similar symptoms to ADHD:

  • Menopause
  • Sleep apnea
  • Insomnia
  • Chemotherapy
  • Certain prescription medications such as antibiotics and blood pressure medication
  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Depression
  • Substance abuse
  • Head injuries

Getting an Accurate Diagnosis

While you can try and diagnose yourself, your best course of action is to find a trained therapist who can take a detailed history and determine if your symptoms are truly from ADHD or something else. Should you be diagnosed with adult ADHD, you will want to work with your therapist to come up with the right treatment plan.

Your plan may include a combination of therapeutic strategies such as medication, nutrition, behavioral therapy, exercise and joining a support group. Finding the right treatment plan for you will take a bit of research, planning and testing. But once you find your individual strategies, you will be able to manage your ADHD symptoms and live a happy and productive life.

If you are interested in getting diagnosed and exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Do You Have C-PTSD?

You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.

Diagnosing C-PTSD

Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.

But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues  say, bipolar disorder  is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.

To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:

  • The individual has experienced multiple prolonged traumas that have lasted for months (or even years)
  • The traumas were caused by someone the individual had a deep interpersonal relationship with and/or someone who was part of their primary care network (most commonly a parent or caregiver)
  • These traumas were experienced as permanent features of life, with the individual unable to see any end in sight
  • The individual had no control or power over the person traumatizing them

Symptoms of C-PTSD

As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:

  • Flashbacks and nightmares in which the trauma is relived.
  • Avoiding people, places, and situations that remind them of the trauma.
  • Dizziness or nausea when remembering the trauma.
  • Hyperarousal. This is a state of high alert and one they often lived in.
  • A belief that the world is a dangerous place.
  • A loss of trust in self or others.
  • Difficulty sleeping and concentrating.
  • Being startled by loud noises.

Treatment for C-PTSD

There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:

Psychotherapy

Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks. Many therapists have had success using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helping people cope with the symptoms of C-PTSD.

EMDR

EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.

Medication

Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.

 

If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.