Blog

A heavy diet, The Great Depression, and jumbo shrimp are all examples of oxymorons that are often used. These terms, characterized by two conflicting ideas being presented side by side, are sometimes humorous. In other instances, such as that of the narcissistic mother, this juxtaposition paints a dark picture of the potential for harm that these individuals possess.

The description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the 5thversion of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5) includes nine possible symptoms. Each of these symptoms is in direct opposition with traits that quality mothers possess.

Self-Importance

Someone with NPD exaggerates his or her achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior. A narcissistic mother may be unable to put her own child’s needs first because of this false belief about herself.

Fantasies about self

These fantasies can be related to unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. A mother who attempts to pursue domains related to these fantasies may forsake her children in this futile pursuit.

Sees self as special

This includes beliefs that someone can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high status people. A mother who exhibits this trait may refuse to associate with their children or others in their children’s lives (i.e., other parents, teachers, etc.)

Requires excessive admiration

As is often said, motherhood is a thankless job, and mothers who require admiration from their children may be sorely disappointed when this admiration never comes. The reaction to this can be as minor as resentment, but it may also lead to more serious reactions such as abuse or neglect, as these mothers eventually refuse to perform motherly duties.

Sense of entitlement

This symptom includes unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. This trait can be passed on to children, who may also believe they are entitled to similar favorable treatment.

Exploits others

A person with NPD often takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. A mother with NPD may be driven to use her child to achieve her own needs, despite the threat it may pose to the child.

Lacks empathy

Someone with NPD is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. This is concerning for mothers, as the identification of their children’s feelings is necessary to help them develop in a healthy way.

Envious

Individuals with NPD often envy others or believe that others are envious of them. This is another trait that is likely to be passed on to children, which can lead to future relational deficits.

Arrogant

Arrogance is another trait that may be modeled by narcissistic mothers. Children who observe an arrogant mother may believe this characteristic is normal and may themselves display it.

In isolation, these symptoms may not present a clear danger to the child of a narcissistic mother, but when these traits are combined the potential deleterious effects become clear. It is important for clinicians to be aware of these dangers and keep a watchful eye on mothers who display these traits, as the effects of their narcissism can have lasting impacts on their children.

If you were raised by a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or if you are concerned for your own children, therapy can help. Contact me today for an initial consultation.

Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.

Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.

Keep Your Cool

It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Accountability, Not Control

Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.

Listen

It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.

Give Them Space

When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.

Pick Your Battles

Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.

If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.